he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
