I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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