I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
