I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
