Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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