I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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