I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
