I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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