u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
