This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
