I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
