If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
