Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
