Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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