He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
