the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
