but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
