its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
