My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dignity is for republicans.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
