Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
