So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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