when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
