That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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