i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
