idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
