woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
