Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
