You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
