I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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