Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
zippers are such a cool invention
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
