Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
