I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
