laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
