it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
