we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
