Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
