your room smells of hookers.
And success
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
