i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
