fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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