Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just googled if crying burns calories
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
