I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you're hired as official boob wrangler
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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