Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
