I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
