ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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