The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
