o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
