So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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