Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
