We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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