my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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