Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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