Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
