They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
