I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
