So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
