So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize