i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dicks are not precious.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
