sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
