I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
