Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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