Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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