I want to have your abortion
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
