Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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