We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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