dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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