I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
