Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
