and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
