True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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