dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
