Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
