im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
then he tried to convert me to islam
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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