Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's blow job season.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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