i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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