Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
