his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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