I just made out with a guy for $7.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
