be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
