OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
