First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
